Plague of Memory
by Crysics
Summary: It is one year since Tris's death and Tobias is still haunted by memories and dreams of her. His desolation could be his undoing, as he is so willing to give anything to join her. Will he be able to find something to hold onto or will he succumb to his grief?


**Hi everyone. So I've decided to write this story about Tobias after the events of the Divergent Trilogy. I know there's a few of these but I just felt like writing this. It is intended as a one shot story but I may add to it in the future. Hope you enjoy...**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Divergent Trilogy. Veronica Roth does.**

"_Tris!" I call out. "Tris, wait. Please!" _

_I am running through a forest, chasing after her. She walks slightly ahead of me, dressed in a pure white dress, seeming to float over the ground. I stagger and stumble after her, running through branches that cut at my face. But I don't care; I have to reach her. I have to see her face again._

"_Tris, please wait!" I yell again, though it is useless. No matter what I do, she is always the same distance ahead of me. Then, the distance seems to become larger, stretching out like an impassable void._

"_Tris! Please don't leave me," I suddenly trip over a tree root which is sticking out of the ground. My heart is racing, my breaths coming and going rapidly. I pull myself to my feet and look around, but I can't see her any more. I can't tell which way she went. I collapse to the ground again, completely exhausted. "Tris, please don't leave me," I moan into my hands._

_When I look up again, I am no longer in the forest. I'm sitting in a room surrounded by tabletops with microscopes on top. I look around and see the shadow of a man standing next to me, his face hidden in a darkness which seems to shimmer around him. The figure raises a gun and points it at... I turn, my gaze following the direction that the gun is pointing. And suddenly, I see her again. She is sitting slumped against one of the tables, her big eyes staring right at me. My stomach flips at seeing her face again, but then I realise what is about to happen._

"_Tobias, please. Help me," She moans._

_I turn back to the figure and try to move to stop him but my hands are chained to the wall behind me. I scream wordlessly, pulling at the chains which cut into my skin. The figure pulls the trigger and I hear the familiar bang. Once. Twice. And then there is silence._

_The figure vanishes and so do the chains around my wrists. I run to her and kneel beside her, reaching for her hand. She looks at me and smiles sadly. There are two red stains on the front of her dress, spreading outwards, soiling the beautiful material._

"_No, you can't leave me." I whisper next to her, my head shaking from side to side, tears flowing down my cheeks. Her eyes flutter and close and her mouth moves, I lean down to hear her voice one last time._

"_Tobias..." I shudder at the sound of my name from her lips. "I love you."_

_Then she is gone, and I am back in the forest, kneeling next to the stump of a tree, holding one of the roots._

"_No!" I scream. I roar at the sky, birds flying into the air from the treetops._

"TRIS!" I yell when I wake up. I suddenly remember where I am, what has happened. My body curls into a ball, and I shake uncontrollably, whispering, "Don't leave me. Don't leave me. Don't leave me," over and over again. I try to hold onto the dream but it slowly fades away into the recesses of my memory.

When I next open my eyes, I look out my window and see that the sun is well above the horizon. I groan and climb out of bed, my pillow soaked with my tears. I wash and throw some clothes on before leaving the house.

It is one year since she left me. Everything has changed. The city is clean and the buildings are mostly rebuilt. There are parks, full of screaming children, barking dogs and lovers' laughter. The city is beautiful, serene. And it is my torture cell. Everywhere I look, I remember what it used to look like. I remember the Hub, where I first saw her on the screens in the Dauntless control room as she made her decision, not knowing then that she would become my life. I see the Ferris Wheel, where she helped me push past my fear of heights. My chest squeezes and I clench my eyes shut against the tears that threaten to overcome me. _Don't think. _I tell myself.

I drive to work, trying not to look at anything. I am one of Johanna's junior assistants. I am also three hours late.

When I arrive, my boss, one of Johanna's assistants walks over to me.

"What time do you call this, Tobias?" he questions me, leaning close to me.

"Sorry, sir," I say, looking at the floor.

"Is this going to continue to happen every day?"

"No, sir,"

"I should hope not. One more time and you're fired. I mean it this time."

I walk to my desk and begin the shuffling of paperwork which is part of my daily routine. I don't see what I do all morning, my hands familiar with the work.

At lunch, I run down to one of the cafés near my work to grab a coffee. When I get there, Christina serves me from behind the counter.

"Hey Tobias. The usual?" she asks, smiling at me.

"Yeah, thanks." she turns and busies herself with the machine behind her. She hands me my coffee and I hand over some money.

"Want some company?" She asks. She already knows that I dream every night. She is looking at me sympathetically. I can't stand it.

I nod. "Sure,"

She turns and says to one of the staff. "Sam, I'm going for lunch. Cover me," then she follows me over to one of the tables by the huge windows.

"So. Tell me," she says.

"The same as always." I wander why she even asks.

She sighs. "You've got to put it behind you. She's gone, and you have to face it. You have to move on, Tobias."

"I can't." I whisper. "I don't want to."

"You don't have a choice. She would have hated to see you like this. Surely, you know that."

"If this is the only way I can see her, I embrace it. I don't want to forget her," my stomach clenches at the words.

"You don't have to forget. You just have to accept,"

"How can I? She left me alone."

"Tobias," she says sternly. I look up at her. "How late for work were you today?"

"Couple of hours," I mumble.

"You see? This is ruining your life. You'll lose your job and become some pathetic wreck, living on the streets. She gave her life, so you could have yours. Don't let her have died for nothing,"

"How can you say that?" I ask her, glaring at her. "She abandoned me. She could have just let Caleb die," I sneer when I say his name, disgusted. "And now, I have to live without her, everything I see, reminding me of her. I'd rather be dead than living this life."

"Don't you dare say that, Tobias," she says threateningly. "You would throw away the life that she died to give you?"

The door to the café opens and Matthew walks in. He spots us in the corner and walks over, leaning down to kiss Christina on the lips. I look away. It seems that everyone has moved on so easily. Matthew and Christina live together, engaged for three months now. Zeke and Shauna are due to be getting married in a few months. Everyone's moved on, everyone except me. I don't belong here. I'm not worthy of this life she gave me.

I get up and head to the exit and hear Christina's voice behind me, "Tobias! Don't you do anything stupid,"

I frown, fed up of her telling me these things. I don't bother going back to work. I don't care any more. Instead I head to the Hancock building, one of the few buildings yet to be repaired. I walk up the stairs, imagining her running up here with the others, her heart racing. Alive with the fire I used to see in her eyes. My chest tightens again. Oh god, how I miss that fire.

When I reach the roof, I walk over to the edge and sit, my feet dangling over the edge. It's a ridiculously long way down but I am pretty much over my fear of heights. My head only spins a little when I see the people and cars at the bottom, like ants swarming around. I come up here often, to think. It's also where I come to speak to her.

"I'm so sorry," I say to the wind. "I don't know how to do it. I can't bear not being with you. I think of you every day, every night. Oh, Tris, why did you have to leave me?" I feel the tears at my eyes again but this time I welcome them. I stand up and lean over the edge, the wind buffeting at my face, my clothes and my hair. It would be so easy to jump. So easy. It would be just like jumping off in the simulation, like I used to with her. The tears fall faster now. "You did this to me, Tris!" I yell. Sometimes, I am completely overwhelmed with anger at her. "How could you? I loved you! I love you," I look down again. All it would be is one little step, the feeling of weightlessness then it would be over. Maybe I would even get to be with her again.

"Tobias!" A voice behind me yells. I glance over to see Christina standing a few metres behind me. Matthew is standing just outside the door.

"Tobias, what the hell are you doing?" Christina shouts.

"Thinking," I reply.

"Can't you think a bit further away from the ledge?" she shouts back.

"I could do it, you know." her eyes widen. "There's nothing for me here Chris! I don't belong here, and she's waiting for me."

"Please, Tobias. This isn't what she would want. She loved you, Tobias. She loved you so much." Tears are forming in her eyes.

"Yeah?" I reply. "Then why did she leave me? How could she do this to me?" I grit my teeth at the words, the anger back again.

"I don't know!" she yells back at me. "I don't know, okay? But I do know, she wouldn't have wanted this. She wouldn't give her life just for you to then kill yourself,"

I suddenly crouch down, the pain too much to bear. I step away from the ledge and Christina rushes to embrace me.

We stand there, tears rushing down both our faces. My body shakes as the sobs wreak through my whole body.

"I can't take it, Chris. I miss her so damn much," I manage to say past the tears.

"I know. I know," is all she says.

Then, I see her over Chris's shoulder. She is standing on the edge of the roof on the other side of the roof.

"Tris," I whisper. I push Christina away gently and start walking toward her. She lifts a hand and beckons to me. She is wearing the same dress from my dream, with no blood on it, no wounds. I don't understand how she is here, how she is alive. I hear someone yelling behind me, yelling my name, I think. But I don't hear it. All I see is Tris, standing there, the wind making the dress flutter around her.

Finally, I reach her. I kneel down in front of her, my tears flowing down my cheeks.

"Tris?" I say. "How are you here?"

She doesn't say anything. She just smiles at me and crouches in front of me. She leans her head toward me and kisses me, right on the lips. It feels so real, and I know then that she is back, that she is alive. I grin and say, "I missed you so much."

"I know," she says. "But it's okay now. Everything is going to be okay,"

Then she stands up and looks down at the road below us. "Would you follow me?" she asks. "Would you join me?"

"Of course." I reply immediately. "I'd follow you anywhere."

"Then come with me, and let me show you something amazing,"

Then she leans back and the wind pulls her off the ledge, plummeting to the ground. I walk to the very edge and look down. She isn't down there but I know that isn't where she wants me to follow her to. She wants me to join her somewhere else. Somewhere beyond.

_Tobias! Please don't! Please! Matthew, we have to do something! _A voice cuts into my mind. I ignore it. It doesn't fit in. Or maybe I don't fit in. I slowly lean forward and put a foot forward, ready to leave this pitiful life behind and join her once again.

Hands grab the clothes around my shoulders suddenly and yank me backwards. I fall to the floor and land on my back, pain shooting up my spine. Christina and Matthew are behind me, glaring at me.

I get up but they immediately grab me. "No!" I yell. "She's there! She's waiting! Let go of me. Get off!" the tears come back as I realize that I won't join her. Not today.

"No, she isn't Tobias." Chris's voice cuts into me like a knife.

"She is!" I shout back. "She was right there! Couldn't you see her?"

They glance at each other, worried looks on their face. "No one was there Tobias. She's gone, remember?"

I frown at them. Then I do remember. She is gone. She did leave me. I'll never see her again. The grief hits me again, as fresh as it was a year ago. I shout wordlessly at the sky, trying to wrench free of their grip, but I can't. Eventually, I sink to the floor. They finally let go and I curl into a ball on the floor, my whole body shaking once again.

A hand strokes my hair and I look up to see Christina looking down at me, tears in her eyes.

"She's left me, Chris," I say dumbly, my senses dead to the world, my body an empty shell.

"I know. I'm so sorry, Tobias" she replies and the tears fall down her face.

I groan. "She's left me. She's left me. She's left me. She's left me" I say it over and over again, until Christina hushes me like a mother comforting her child.

**Please r and r and stuff. As I say, I may continue this but it won't be regular, as I am concentrating on my other story. Thanks for reading, and see you next time :)**

**~Crysics~**


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